Stargate the Musical
by AlinaintheSky
Summary: Its your favorite movie done as a musical! BEWARE THE INSANITY. That was your one and only warning. Remember it well.


Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1.  
  
A/N: May I present to you *trumpets*...Stargate, the Musical! Your favorite movie put into songs! What could be better than that?  
  
Skaara: You never writing a story again.  
  
Liss: Shove it. Now, I have prepared a lovely show for you tonight...  
  
Cast: Hey, don't you mean, WE have prepared the show tonight?  
  
Liss: No.  
  
Cast: Hey!  
  
Liss: I don't see any horses! Now get your asses back to the dressing rooms! Pronto!  
  
Cast: *grumbling*  
  
Liss: Ok. Now, I will be the *Spanish accent* directorrrr! (it's really a Spanish word) Now, without further ado, here's...STARGATE THE MUSICAL!  
  
*lights dim*  
  
-year 3000 BCE (I'm not religious-ist); a dark and windy night; that weird blueish light that makes it look creepy; a huge triangular-shaped pyramid- shaped thingy is descending-  
  
(music in the background is that weird opera one. sorry, don't know what it's called, and I bet you don't either. if you've ever seen Looney Tunes, it's in one episode where Bugs and Elmer were doing this opera-type thing, and Elmer was like, "Kiw the wabbit, kiw the wabbit, KIW THE WABBIT!" ok yeah I suck at this)  
  
Weird booming voice: *singing to the tune* I'm descending, I'm descending, I'M DESCENDING, so you'd better watch out!  
  
People wearing barely anything: *not singing* What the hell is that?  
  
-it starts to thunder and lightening flashes-  
  
People: Let's get the hell outta here! *run away*  
  
Boy: Duuuuh...ooh...pretty light...*walks toward it*  
  
Voice: *singing* Come closer, come closer, COME CLOSER, you stupid boy!  
  
Boy: Duuuuh...ok! *stumbles towards it*  
  
-a huge beam shot down upon him; he is lifted upwards to the ship-  
  
Voice: Yeeeees, yeeeees, YEEEEEES, wuuuuupeee!  
  
-suddenly the light blinks off and the boy crashes to the ground-  
  
Boy: Ouch! Watch it up there!  
  
Voice: Aw, dammit! I knew we shoulda used Energizer! Dumbass! *whacking sound is heard*  
  
Another big voice: Ouch! Sheesh, I'm sorry! I won't suggest Durecell again!  
  
Voice: Good, because you know...  
  
Our race, is like, the Energizer bunny!  
  
We keep taking, enslaving, and killing all the people!  
  
Our race, is like, the Energizer bunny!  
  
We keep hurting, and trapping, all the little people!  
  
Other voice: Ok, I get it! Jeez...I hate it when you sing.  
  
-beam is up again and the boy is drifting up towards the huge thing, now identified as a ship-  
  
Boy: YAY! I'm going to Disneyland!  
  
Liss: *comes back from getting some hot chocolate* What'd I miss?  
  
-it's 19 something or other, Cairo, Egypt; busy market place; a man and his daughter are walking through the crowds, flocked by many tanned men; a man is talking to them in a foreign language-  
  
First man: I have no idea what the hell you're saying!  
  
Liss: *slaps forehead*  
  
-they approach a dig site-  
  
Foreign Man: *shows the man something big and round with markings on it*  
  
Man: It appears to be a cover stone.  
  
Girl: *sees something on a nearby table* *picks it up and dusts it off* What a pretty necklace! Ew...there's an eye on it. Oh well, I'll color over it and you won't even tell!  
  
Man: Katarina!  
  
Katarina: *pockets the necklace and follows him*  
  
Diggers: Hey! She stole that! Give it back!  
  
Liss: I must agree with them, but for the sake of this fic, you can have it.  
  
Katarina: *sticks her tongue out*  
  
-they climb over a hill and look down upon the sight; men hauling a huge, ancient ring up from the ground-  
  
(sing to the tune of the Umpa-lumpa song)  
  
Men: Hauling, hauling, night and day! That's all we're good for: hauling away! Hauling, hauling, we love to haul! The one thing better than going to the mall!  
  
Man #1: *tenor* What do you get when you haul all the time?  
  
Man #2: *tenor 2* Hauling and never making a dime!  
  
Man #3: *tenor 3* But we don't care as long as we're here!  
  
Man #4: *bass* Because we LOVE to HAUL!  
  
All: Haaaaaauuuuul!  
  
Men: Hauling, hauling, night and day! That's all we're good for: hauling away! Hauling, hauling, we love to haul! Like the haulers, hauling at the call!  
  
Man and Katarina: @_@ Riiiiight...  
  
Man: What the hell is that?  
  
Other dude: I wish I knew.  
  
Katarina: Ooooooh...pretty ring...*runs around singing, "Pretty ring, pretty ring!"*  
  
Liss: *looking into a jar* Alright, who took my pixie sticks? 


End file.
